Monday, November 4, 2013


"All things are ready, if our mind be so."
― William Shakespeare, Henry V

There are times I feel confident about what I'm planning to do. That it would work and she would say yes and then it would all go well and there would be another one. That although there might be awkwardness at the start, she'll warm up to it as it goes along and we'll both have a good time.

I've been having dreams about it too and I'm happy in them. I don't think I have ever been rejected in my dreams. Probably just means my subconscious is really very optimistic.

But doubt creeps like a thief and I'm suddenly aware of possibly failing. And I can't help thinking maybe I should back off and save myself some pain of again not being worth the trouble.

I wish there was a way I could put those times of confidence in some bottle of sorts and save them up for later when I need them most. Like storing up a mana potion that I could use for my confidence spell. But I think I'll also have to conjure an armor that will protect me from any form of rejection be it subtle, blatant or preemptive.

I would be ready with my bottle (too bad it's imaginary and not alcoholic because I could use some lack of inhibition) before I state my intent, open it up and take in all that confidence and just hit it out of the park. Maybe invoke an encouragement charm. Or like a mistborn flare some brass and soothe the other's emotions.

I don't have anything to lose, right? I mean, I'm currently with no one. And we'll still talk if she rejects me, although I think it would be professional. But first things first. There would be a time to figure out what will happen next once I state my intent.

Argh. I wish I could see the future and just see how I fare a week from now.

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