Thursday, January 1, 2015

Feliz Año Nuevo

“Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come,  whispering.. 'it will be happier'...”
― Alfred Tennyson

Another year has come and gone. I'm still here.. still all alone.

I should still be working, even though I don't have to, but it means more money, and what else could we do? But I'm also slightly drunk and so I thought, why not just blog for a while and review what has happened the past year.

In 2014, I did make a lot of mistakes. I hope I learned from them. I made two attempts on two different people last year and both did not go well. I gave someone a bouquet of flowers last Valentine, I went out with someone on a weekend, both things of which I've never done, so there is that.

The first one ended abruptly, because I did not persist and maybe I did give up easily. The second one ended abruptly, because I did insist and did not give up easily. Now maybe if I did things differently, things would be different today but bridges have been burned and some have been left alone unused and things would probably stay that way for a long time.

I bought a car (and still paying for it). I learned how to drive. I even had 3 accidents in the span of 12 hours. I started collecting graphic novels. I bought more books than I read. I had stopped working on gunpla kits for a year but I continued collecting other articulated figures.

It was a good year all things considered.

I'll be older another year this coming May. Still unattached, but not for lack of trying. Maybe I started out too late. It's either you're too early or too late in these things most of the time. Rarely is everything at the right moment. I wish I could be with someone this 2015, but I guess I've already given up hope. I mean, I could not even get myself to try again. There seems to be no point at all.

I would like to say I don't need it, but damn, I want it so bad. But nobody seems to like me the same way I like them, and I can't force myself to like others for the heck of it. I'm a yearner not a settler, I guess. I want things I can't have. I love people who can't love me back.

These things are hard for me. I just.. I just hope this year would be different. That for the next new year I could come back here and tell you that the wait and the toil was worth it.

So cheers for the new year and good luck to us.