Sunday, October 27, 2013

Never Easy

“Our doubts are traitors, 
and make us lose the good we oft might win, 
by fearing to attempt.” 
- William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

What the hell? This is my sixth post in a month. Haven't been able to do that in years. Maybe I have been churning out as much as that content when blogging was such a popular thing and each blogger post was really an attempt to impress. Those days have passed. Micro blogging has become such a big thing now because people have always wanted instant things. There's just no more time in this busy, busy world for walls of text to read and comment about. No more time for other normal people's crap.

So what has inspired this much content? I am either very desperate for someone to tell this to or too doubtful and discouraged about things that I needed to let it out. It's probably both. I think a common side effect of infatuation is really inspiration, among other things. You just want to talk and talk and talk about it. And I kept not thinking about it for a long, long time that when I did started thinking about it, I am still shocked at how the dam just burst open.

Bottling up emotions is never a good thing.

I was in a bookstore yesterday looking at graphic novels to either buy or download later. There was a sale on all books in all their branches and I have been to 3 branches so far. While browsing through the books I noticed two people talking about comics. Maybe it was a testament to how the place was because they were conversing in pure English, with the accent and all.

The man was talking about which comics are good, giving some opinions and suggestions on the authors or the superheroes. The woman knew something about comics which was really rare for me to hear and was able to hold the conversation. I think they hit it off pretty good, because the man gave the "maybe we should get together sometime and have a chat and blah blah... can I get your number?" talk afterwards and the girl gave her facebook account.

And I was thinking at that time, man, how uncomplicated was that? It's like watching a basketball game and seeing a player do what seems to be a very easy move and you're thinking, "yeah, that was so easy I could do that". But in reality, when you're holding the ball, you realize that it was not really easy at all.

She has been frequenting my dreams, this Meadow. I think it means I'm thinking of her a lot that it's bordering on obsession. I know where it has led me in the past and I've got to stop as early as possible, nip it at the bud. Or else, I'll need more years to get over nothing again. I have a tendency to be obsessed and it never turned out good for me. But I can't nip it at the bud when a possibility still stares at my face. It was very easy getting over Mission Shining Light was because the way she ignored me at the start very much turned me off.

I have not yet been rejected but I haven't stated my intent yet either. I haven't told her what I feel. And I know it has to happen in a matter of weeks. Or I'll go insane with this.

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