Monday, October 28, 2013

Procrastination and Risk

"Procrastination is like masturbation. At first it feels good, but in the end you're only screwing yourself. " 
- Anonymous

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.”
- William G.T. Shedd

"The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open."
– Chuck Palahniuk

I know I used that first quote before. And the first title as well. So I added two more quotes and two more words to the title, no need to thank me. Well, it was 6 six years ago and nobody cares. Besides, I would think this time the first quote and original title are more relevant than before. Who cares about studies nowadays, anyway? I graduated didn't I, although it took longer. And I think I got a good job afterwards. But hey, not a good example. We're getting off track.

So knowing myself, I do really think I need a lot of convincing to do something I really wanted to do all along. I know I want it but I want other people telling me I should go for it. Or telling me the other way around. I mean there's almost a sure way to get me to do what I other people want, and make me feel like I really wanted to do it. But I'm not going to tell you that. Maybe some of the people I know have an inkling regarding that, but they're not abusing it, thankfully.


Why is it so hard for me? Man, grow a pair already. I have put this off for months, if not years. I think she has an idea regarding this. I mean, out of nowhere, suddenly, it seems I'm all around her. She hasn't rejected it so far. There are times it seems she's reeling me in. But I've been keeping my distance as well. I don't know if that's just how she behaves or is there really something. Aaaaah!

I remember that duet back during the team outing last April. I've never seen her do that with anyone. I think I sung pretty bad. And I'll admit, I only wanted to go to that team outing because I knew she was coming as well. I mean, I actually blew off an old highschool friend who invited me to his wedding 3 weeks before, just so I can be with her. I wish there was a way to know what she thinks.

I've been shifting from thinking it would work, to thinking it won't. And gah, what torture. There are inifinite universes on the verge of being created by those two possibilities should I proceed on this undertaking. And as much as I don't want to, I can't help thinking about it very much.

I described her to my friend in one of our chats but I didn't mention her and she thought I was describing myself. And I realized it did sound like me. Maybe we have more in common than I thought. But still, a very big blind spot, it's dangerous to assume.

Need. To. Make. This. Work.

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