Saturday, October 26, 2013


"You already have the NO. Take the risk of getting the YES."

I know I already have a whole lot of "probably nothings". And if I don't risk a definite NO, I'm going to have more "probably nothings". But knowing something and doing something about it are a world's apart of difference. And I've always been stuck with the knowing part. I know what to do, but I'm not doing it.

The planned 2nd phase did not push through. Damn. After losing a lot of sleep about it, all it turned out was lost sleep and nothing more. But what can I do? She appeared to be very busy. I'm thinking she'd say no to another cup of coffee. And I know that I don't really know. In the alternate universe where I was confident, I could probably have made her say yes. Then gave a statement of intent and got an okay. Then maybe a date afterwards.

Oh what fun it is to live in that alternate universe and not be stuck here with self-doubting me.

But after talking with her through chat yesterday where I think there were good signs, I'm not sure if I was reading it correctly. Probably, she was just friendly. After all, we've known each other for more than 5 years and I haven't made a move except last Wednesday, and that was even vague to her I think.

Can I just make that jump? And to hell with the consequences. I want to be drunk today and lose my inhibitions and just do it. I want to do it. I'm just unreasonably scared that it won't work. I wonder what made me fear this much and what would it take to get over it.

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