Wednesday, March 12, 2014


“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

We haven't talked.

I know it's been almost a month since I gave her those flowers and I'm still not sure why she pretended it doesnt mean a thing. I wanted so much to talk to her face to face. So she could flat out reject me. And then I'll know it's over. Not this constant wondering. We have both, on the outside, pretended it did not happen. If you didn't know a thing you wouldn't even notice, i think. If there is something I could be good at, it maybe pretending that nothing happened.

I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm the one who didn't have a clue when she said she did not date. Maybe I'm the one who didn't get it when she did not reply... maybe that was already a rejection in itself. She was willfully ignoring anything regarding that. And yeah, it's sad. I've been wrong again. Another unrequited love in the making. And I just couldn't handle anymore of that.

So I stopped. Even without the talk. It no longer seems necessary; because if there was some tiny bit of chance i would think she would explain herself at the very least and not leave me hanging like that.

It's sad... I'm sad. All this effort to bring my heart out was for naught... and now the painful process of putting my heart back in, wondering if I'll ever get it out again or will it just rot inside...