Saturday, December 28, 2013

Any Road

"If you don't know where you're going, any road'll take you there" 
- George Harrison, Any Road

Most people are on leave this week. After all, it's the holiday week. We have bunched holidays and a few working days in between. Usually around this time I'm at home and on leave. But ever since I became a lead, I'm always working these holidays. I think I took it upon myself to allow some of my people to take their leaves this week instead of me. Sort of noble I guess, but I just think that I would like to be a team lead that I want my team lead to be back then. So I worked last Christmas Eve, I worked last Christmas. I'll even work on the 30th and the New Year's Eve probably.

I'll just think of the overtime pay. After all, I did spend a lot this year. So I'll need the money back. I think my expenses are growing every year. We're even planning on getting a new car next year. I'm afraid I'll over-extend, with my mother on retirement and not enough money going in from my father and sister.

Anyway. That quote above is a very good quote. Made me think. You know me, I've never been really sure where I'm going. Back then, I did not know what I'll be or what I want to be. I think it's a part of me that never wanted to be sure anyway. So if any road can take me there, I might as well take that road. What could I lose, I don't have a fixed destination anyway.

I've been talking with Meadow some of these past days. We've been talking longer through chat, I believe. Mostly about work, with bits and pieces of other things. Maybe that's because she's on leave and not as busy. And those times, I am giddy. I mean, just today I was irritated that I was given another task from one of their projects, an escalated project at that, but when she talked with me apologizing for the inconvenience, I told her it's ok. And surprisingly, it was suddenly ok. As fast as a snap of the fingers.

So if there's really nothing to this, why am I like this. Thinking about it, about her all the time. Hmmm. Could this go anywhere? Sigh. I think there's nothing between her and that other guy I talked about. I don't know why. But I've been observing them and it doesn't look like there's anything. I might still be wrong. But I'm really wondering why.

I would like to give it a try myself. I just don't know how. Should I just be honest and tell her I don't know anything about this but I'm willing to learn. I mean if she's not doing anything, why not give it a chance, right? We could walk on that any road and maybe get somewhere. But I don't know if I'll come across as incompetent and inexperienced, and that it will turn her off. But honestly, I don't know anything about this. I mean I can give advice to other people, I don't know how when all I had was pain and little periods of joy.

I could pretend to know something or everything about this, give off an air of confidence and high self esteem, but if I could do that, it wouldn't be me...

No comments:

Post a Comment