Saturday, September 20, 2014

Wishful Thinking

“Sometimes, I sit alone under the stars and think of the galaxies inside my heart, and truly wonder if anyone will ever want to make sense of all that I am.” — Christopher Poindexter

Months have past. And I have tried my best to ignore these feelings of loneliness. I can live on my own, gods-dammit, if I have to push myself to the edge just to make it work.

But I have to admit that while solitude has its benefits, it gnaws on your heart when you let it stay there for long. And I'd be lying if I say I didn't feel apathetic, depressed or disinterested at what life has yet to offer. There just seems to be no point to it at all.

Maybe I desire pain myself. All these self-sabotages and half-measures just to ensure I don't lose myself when I truly fail after giving it all. I fear it will break me. Maybe someday I could give it all. Maybe someday I'll know how it truly feels.

So I'm back. After half a year, do we finally have a new one? The last one did not really have any closure but then again, there's no use hoping for one if it's not even important to the other. Anyhow, I sense potential. I still don't know. But I do find talking to her (the new one) less awkward and more of a two-way conversation... a real discussion with bantering back and forth. I think having someone who can I can have a good conversation with is very important to me. Hmmm. I don't know if she's like that with others. And I still don't know if I'll pursue. We'll see in the coming days, hopefully. Just need a couple more talks, maybe.

No comments:

Post a Comment