Revelations

"Stop treading. You will not sink. You will float." 
– Anonymous

Sorry walang updates. Puro placeholder lang.

Can't talk here much. Ayusin ko to pag may time. Haha.

Weird kasi andami na nangyari mula nung post ko nitong Feb. Pero walang laman yung blog.

Ah.. baka wala kasi dito :P

Replay

“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.” 
― Suzanne Collins, (Mockingjay)

Yan na nga sinasabi ko. Binuhay ang issue. Nagkaroon ng photoshoot para sa Mr. & Ms. Feb-ibig (ugh ang korny nung tawag), di ko alam kung sino ang pasimuno... pero hinala ko yung manager ko dati. Kasi biglang ako yung kinuha. Saka si Meadow yung kapartner. Ang dating e parang botohan ang magaganap, pero pera ang gamit para sa boto. 20php isa. Alam ko na ngayon ang premyo. Special date daw. Juice colored. Binaon ko na sa likod ng utak ko ang mga pangyayari nung isang taon. Binubuhay nila e. Ayan. Naku, baka bumalik ulit.

May nagpost sa facebook nung picture. Kaso sa dami ng kuha, dun pa sa pinakapangit ako yung pinili. Tsk. Lampas isangdaan ang naglike. Bakit? Kasi malakas sila mang-asar. Pati mga kaklase ko nugn highschool, college, teacher, prof, kamag-anak. Waah.

Alam ko di naman nagtapos ng maayos nung isang taon. Pero haay... uulitin ko na naman ba? Ngayon ba pwede na? Nararamdaman ko bumabalik na naman yung pakiramdam na nararamdaman ko pag ganitong may prospect. Sign ba yun na meron pa, pinilit ko lang kalimutan?

Putik.

May sinabi pa yung kaopis ko kanina. Na baka naman di kami nagkaintindihan nung isang taon. Baka may chance, pareho lang kaming takot.

Ugh.

Pano na?

Relay

“Never apologize for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn’t apologize for being the sun. The rain doesn’t say sorry for falling. Feelings just are.” 
― Iain Thomas


Anong kalokohan yun... hmm... di ba tapos na nung isang taon? Wala naman pinuntahan. Wala naman nangyari. Kulang daw ako sa tiyaga. Maaari. Pero paano ka magtyatyaga kung wala namang sinasabi. Kung bigla na lang tatahimik, anong mapapag-usapan? Wala rin naman. Di biro ang pinagdaanan ko sa sarili ko ng mga ganitong panahon nung nakaraang taon. Uulitin ko na naman ba?

Pero may iba pa ba tayong balak gawin bukod dito? Wala rin naman di ba?

Might as well?

Feliz Año Nuevo

“Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come,  whispering.. 'it will be happier'...”
― Alfred Tennyson

Another year has come and gone. I'm still here.. still all alone.

I should still be working, even though I don't have to, but it means more money, and what else could we do? But I'm also slightly drunk and so I thought, why not just blog for a while and review what has happened the past year.

In 2014, I did make a lot of mistakes. I hope I learned from them. I made two attempts on two different people last year and both did not go well. I gave someone a bouquet of flowers last Valentine, I went out with someone on a weekend, both things of which I've never done, so there is that.

The first one ended abruptly, because I did not persist and maybe I did give up easily. The second one ended abruptly, because I did insist and did not give up easily. Now maybe if I did things differently, things would be different today but bridges have been burned and some have been left alone unused and things would probably stay that way for a long time.

I bought a car (and still paying for it). I learned how to drive. I even had 3 accidents in the span of 12 hours. I started collecting graphic novels. I bought more books than I read. I had stopped working on gunpla kits for a year but I continued collecting other articulated figures.

It was a good year all things considered.

I'll be older another year this coming May. Still unattached, but not for lack of trying. Maybe I started out too late. It's either you're too early or too late in these things most of the time. Rarely is everything at the right moment. I wish I could be with someone this 2015, but I guess I've already given up hope. I mean, I could not even get myself to try again. There seems to be no point at all.

I would like to say I don't need it, but damn, I want it so bad. But nobody seems to like me the same way I like them, and I can't force myself to like others for the heck of it. I'm a yearner not a settler, I guess. I want things I can't have. I love people who can't love me back.

These things are hard for me. I just.. I just hope this year would be different. That for the next new year I could come back here and tell you that the wait and the toil was worth it.

So cheers for the new year and good luck to us.